New Proverb

A new Timicist proverb that I read on a pencil at the UU church:

Unanswered questions are far less dangerous than unquestioned answers.

John Shelby Spong: Honorary Timicist

Through my connections to the Unitarian wing of the Timicist movement (or vice-versa, it's really a chicken-and-egg thing), I discovered a brilliant essay by John Shelby Spong, an Episcopal bishop.

"Spong" is much more than just an awesome last name. His essay masterfully puts homophobia in its place, equating it with all the other misguided ways people have used the Bible to oppress minorities throughout our history.

Some excerpts:

I have made a decision. I will no longer debate the issue of homosexuality in the church with anyone...

I will no longer listen to televised debates conducted by "fair-minded" channels that seek to give "both sides" of this issue "equal time." I am aware that these stations no longer give equal time to the advocates of treating women as if they are the property of men or to the advocates of reinstating either segregation or slavery...

The battle is over. The victory has been won. There is no reasonable doubt as to what the final outcome of this struggle will be. Homosexual people will be accepted as equal, full human beings, who have a legitimate claim on every right that both church and society have to offer any of us. Homosexual marriages will become legal, recognized by the state and pronounced holy by the church...

I do not debate any longer with members of the "Flat Earth Society" either. I do not debate with people who think we should treat epilepsy by casting demons out of the epileptic person; I do not waste time engaging those medical opinions that suggest that bleeding the patient might release the infection....

Full text here. I highly recommend it.

Timicism would like to go on record as saying, "hell yeah, you go, Spong!"

Every word of this manifesto fits with Timicism. For his dedication to truth, fairness, harmlessness, and love, I would like to extend an honorary Timicist title (of his choosing) to John Shelby Spong.

Might I recommend the "Sponginator?"

The Timicist Unitarian

So I spent all this time devising and crafting Timicism 3.0, and I come to find out it already exists.

It turns out that Timicism is just a brand of Unitarian Universalism (UU). We're not identical on all the the specifics, but the basic gist of both is the same: find your own path, respect others, borrow from all the religions, use reason and science.

I wonder if they'd be willing to merge with me? TUU: Timicism Unitarian Universalist? UTU? UUT?

I suppose the T should go last, since I was the last to join the party. I'm all about humility and fairness, after all.

Timicist Buzzwords

Paring down all my beliefs into five words (Self, Fairness, Humor, Harmlessness, Love) was a difficult task. And I'll admit that the five words themselves don't do the best job of capturing their corresponding tenet. I believe in the tenets, I'm just not sure they are all labeled correctly.

So here is the expanded list of buzzwords that represent Timicism:

Truth
Think
Self
Fairness
Skepticism
Question
Logic
Consistency
Accuracy
Humility
Humor
Laugh
Harmlessness
Love
Touch
Sex
Balance

These are the ingredients that make up the Timicist word soup.

Brainless Christian Pumpkins

A devout Christian in my family sent me the following email:

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From one pumpkin to another!!!!!!!

A woman was asked by a coworker,
'What is it like to be a Christian?'

The coworker replied, 'It is like being a pumpkin.' God picks you from the patch, brings you in, and washes all the dirt off of you.
Then He cuts off the top and scoops out all the yucky stuff. He removes the seeds of doubt, hate, and greed. Then He carves you a new smiling face and puts His light inside of you to shine for all the world to see.'

This was passed on to me by another pumpkin.
Now it's your turn to pass it to other pumpkins.

I liked this enough to send it to all the pumpkins in my patch.

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So God will open up your head, scoop out your brains, and carve a permanent smile on your face? To a thinking person, that's not a selling point. I'm half wondering if this wasn't intended to be satire, with the message being: In order to believe in God, you have to have a lobotomy.

This just proves that some Christians will use any image, no matter how horrifying or inappropriate, to talk about God.

Book of Timicism 3.0

The Humble Little Book of Timicism

Version 3.0

Table of Contents

Chapter 1: What is Timicism?

Chapter 2: The Five Tenets

Chapter 3: Metaphysics

Chapter 4: Borrowings

Chapter 5: Vs. Christianity

Chapter 6: Holidays

Chapter 7: Proverbs

What Is Timicism?

Timicism is whatever you want it to be. It's:

• A religion
• A philosophy
• A metaphysical, moral and theological framework on which to base your life.
• What I, Tim, am all about
• A goofy blog
• A elaborate grab for attention
  

Timicism is all of those things and more. But I'll just refer to it as my religion, with the understanding that it may or may not fit your definition of one.

Timicism is not about the worship of Tim. By starting my own religion, I don't profess to be any kind of god or deity or even a prophet. I'm just some guy who has never been inspired by any of the current religions available, so I decided I might as well custom-build my own.

Timicism does not make you buy the whole cow. Timicism does not ask you to make any commitment, vow, or pledge. You can take as much or as little from it as you want. If you only find one thing about Timicism that you like, you're welcome to use it and discard the rest. (Although this may void your warranty.) Also, Timicism allows the religious equivalent of dual citizenship. You can be a Timicist and still practice another religion.

Timicism is not for everyone. Lots of people look to a religion for answers and guidance. They seek direction on what to believe and how to behave. Timicism does not provide a lot of the answers that traditional religions do. It asks more questions than it answers. Also, I don't believe that the world would necessarily be a better place if everyone were a Timicist. Sure, there would be less violence and more love, and people would laugh more and not take themselves so seriously, but at the same time I think we'd get a lot less done. It takes all kinds of people to make the world work, and the Timicist fills one niche.

Timicism is a work in progress. I have spent years reading about, discussing, debating, and contemplating theology, morality, philosophy and human nature to arrive at the current state of Timicism. But these writings are by no means a finished product. Just like a language, which either changes or dies, Timicism will continue to develop as long as the world changes around me and I continue to read, discuss, debate and contemplate.

Timicism is made up of Five Basic Principles:

• Self
• Fairness
• Humor
• Harmlessness
• Love

And one bonus principle:

• Balance
  

To read more about these Five Principles and the Five Basic Tenets that go along with them, see The Five Tenets of Timicism.

The Five Tenets

The Basic Tenets of Timicism are each loosely based on Five Basic Principles:

• Self
• Fairness
• Humor
• Harmlessness
• Love

And one Bonus Principle: Balance, which holds each of these principles together.

The Five (+1) Tenets

1. Be an individual. Think for yourself. Don't blindly follow any person, group, doctrine or book. Question everything that doesn't make sense and come to your own conclusions.


2. Be fair. Always apply consistent logic in your search for truth and in your interactions with others. Acknowledge and understand your biases.


3. Don't take yourself too seriously. Be humble. Learn to laugh at yourself and the absurdity of this world.
   


4. Be harmless. In your interaction with the world around you, leave people and things in at least as good of shape as when you found them.


5. Choose love and its many physical manifestations, including cuddling, hugging, stroking, petting, snuggling, nuzzling, touching and rubbing.


6. (Bonus) Stay balanced. Live your life in moderation and don't indulge one principle at the expense of others.
   

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The Five Tenets (+1) Explained

Although the tenets are numbered, they are not ranked. They each carry equal weight like spokes on a wheel. And they also work to hold each other in check, like the U.S. government system of checks and balances. For example, although one tenet extols the beauty of sex, you would not want to violate the principle of harmlessness by pleasing yourself at someone else's expense (i.e. infidelity, dishonesty, coercion, etc.)

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The Truth Tenets

The first two tenets of Timicism, Self and Fairness, make up a sub-category known as the Truth Tenets. Both emphasize the importance of truth, and using skepticism, consistency, and logic to arrive at conclusions. They don't tell the Timicist what to believe, but rather, what process he uses to determine those beliefs.

Self

Be an individual. Think for yourself. Don't blindly follow any person, group, doctrine or book. Question everything that doesn't make sense and come to your own conclusions.

There is no middleman between the Timicist and his beliefs. He consults many people and books in his quest for understanding, but he does not accept any external source as the one ultimate authority. Although one source might have a lot of good things to say, that does not make it infallible on every issue. Question everything you hear and come to your own conclusions based on a consistent world view.

Each Timicist custom builds his or her own beliefs.

An important part of this tenet is to acknowledge that nothing is static. Everything is in a constant state of change, and therefore ideas and principles may become obsolete or even dangerous based on changing circumstances. The Timicist is constantly examining and, if need be, revising his conclusions based on these changing circumstances or new evidence. In Timicism, you never convince someone with the argument that "it's always been that way."

NOTE: It is important to keep in mind that the "self" emphasized in the first principle (and corresponding tenet) of Timicism is only to be thought of as opposing a dogmatic or herd mentality. "Self" should not be misinterpreted as the "ego" which holds itself above (or in opposition to) the world around it. The third and fourth tenets of Timicism serve to mitigate this kind of thinking.

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Fairness

Be fair. Always apply consistent logic in your search for truth and in your interactions with others. Acknowledge and understand your biases.

Don't believe everything you hear simply because you want it to be true. Skepticism is an important part of this tenet. Whenever you hear a fact, statistic, or "true" account of events, ask yourself: who is telling me this piece of information, and what do they have to gain by my believing it? And on a more subconscious level, what do they have to gain by their believing it? Aside from outright lying, every "fact" you've ever heard in your life has been through some kind of filter, a filter of how some person, group, or culture sees the world. The important thing here to the Timicist is to always question what you hear and consider alternate explanations.
In this quest for truth, the Timicist acknowledges the importance of fairness; of looking at every person and situation from all sides and applying consistent rules across the board. We can never arrive at any semblance of truth if we are favoring one side over the other and applying double standards. Of course, it is human nature to do just that, and so the next best thing you can do, as you strive for fairness, is to acknowledge your biases and fight against them. Think about the filter through which you see the world. In order to get to the truth, we often have to put our personal feelings of what we want to be true aside, and consider all possibilities, no matter how unpleasant they might be. The Timicist, though skeptic, is not closed-minded.


This tenet has been (partially) inspired by my long and fascinating study of urban legends at Snopes.

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Humor

Don't take yourself too seriously. Be humble. Learn to laugh at yourself and the absurdity of this world. You are just as important, but no more, than everyone else.

A lot of the pain and suffering in this world has been caused by people who have taken themselves way too seriously. People in positions of authority who thought they were way too important and deserved more respect than the rest of us. To prove it, they made life hell for everyone else.

But suffering is not only the result of assholes in power taking themselves too seriously. Our inability to laugh at ourselves and the world around can limit us. Similar to Buddhism, Timicism believes that we cause our own pain and suffering when we are too attached to our own ego.

Part of not taking yourself (and your world) too seriously is to see the absurdity all around you. I've heard the world described as tragic to those who feel and absurd to those who think. The Timicist is a thinker, and he sees the absurdity all around him. And he tries to laugh at it.

Laughter is a big part of Timicism. The Timicist values humor and is always looking for situations where it can be used.

This is not to say that the Timicist should never take anything seriously. And laughter, although mostly good, is not always appropriate. Laughter that harms or belittles others can violate the tenet of Harmlessness (see below). When you're not in someone's presence, belittling them is fine, just as long as the Timicist realizes his own humility and gives himself equal portions of belittlement. 'Cause when you consider the entirety of everything, each of us is mighty little.

If you would like some practice in giving funny (but equal) belittlement to everyone, a good start is The Onion.

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Harmlessness

Be harmless. In your interaction with the world around you, leave people and things in at least as good of shape as when you found them.

The main moral tenet of Timicism is to be harmless. If you think of your contributions to this world as a bank account, you never want to be in debt. Do no harm, and if you do, try to make it right.

Think of this tenet as following the campsite rule, where you should leave people & things in better shape than how you found them.

Being harmless can be hard work. By merely going about your day, taking up space, your actions will affect other people and things. An important part of this tenet is to think about how your actions affect the world around you. Frequently we don't even realize it when we are causing harm. Self-reflection is key. If you see harm being done, either in your own experiences or in the world at large, ask yourself: what could I possibly be doing to contribute to this?

Part of being harmless is not interfering with others' rights to live as they choose, as long as they do it harmlessly.

At this point, we need to discuss what we mean by "harm." A simplistic approach would be The Golden Rule, which says to treat others how you would want to be treated. That's a good start, but the Timicist also acknowledges the shortcomings of this rule. For example, what if you're a masochist? Then you probably shouldn't treat others to the beatings you enjoy. So, the Timicist will respect others' right to define harm for themselves. I acknowledge that this, too, falls short, especially in cases where personal definitions of harm collide or when harm to one person or thing benefits many others.

The Timicist acknowledges that we all have different definitions of what is "harmful." For now, I will leave this up to each individual. Each Timicist should have a consistent and fair definition of harm that acknowledges and respects all people and living things, including the environment. Still not a foolproof rule, but it will have to do for now.

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Love

Choose love and its many physical manifestations, including cuddling, hugging, stroking, petting, snuggling, nuzzling, touching and rubbing.


Almost every religion focuses on love. That's important to the Timicist as well, but in Timicism we focus more on the physical aspect of love. The ideal Timicist world is one where everyone has a special someone to touch and be touched.

Timicists value physical affection. Touching another being (be it a lover, family member, friend, or pet) is a wonderful and beautiful thing, and you should always appreciate it and not take it for granted. Always remember, of all the people in the world, this person (or thing) chose you to share this experience with. This appreciation applies to all forms of physical intimacy, but especially to sex.

Timicists dig sex. And it gets too much of a bad rap in our purityrranical* society. There's something wrong with a society that sends the message, 'Sex is dirty and evil. Share it with someone you love.' "

You could say that the "culture wars" in the United States are waged between those who fear violence and those who fear sex. It's interesting to me that sex and violence are both considered "indecent," even though they are opposites. One creates life and the other destroys it. One is positive, one is negative. One is the result of love, the other is the result of hate. (Not always, but in general.)

Timicists are lovers and not fighters. The Timicist dreams of a world where, instead of bashing your neighbor's head in, you give them an orgasm. Or a hug, depending on what you're most comfortable with.

*Yes, I made up that word.
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Bonus Tenet

Balance

Stay balanced. Live your life in moderation and don't indulge one principle at the expense of others.

Whether it's your gait, how you spend your time, or dealing with competing tenets in your life, balance is essential. Nothing is good for you if you do it too much at the expense of everything else.

Each of us has his own measure of what's important and what's not, but balance is the thing that keeps your life in perspective. Keeps you from falling over, both physically and metaphorically.

Timicist Metaphysics

So how does the nature of the world look through a Timicist lense? Is there a God? What happens when we die? Will there be chocolate there?

Here's where Timicism stands on the following topics:

• God
• Death
• Fate & Free Will
• Biology & Science
• Superstition

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God

The Timicist is first and foremost agnostic. I'm not an atheist, because I can't say definitively that there is no God. That would be a proclamation I don't feel I'm qualified to make. There's enough stuff we don't understand to leave room for the possibility that there are higher beings that our tiny little human brains can't fathom.

However, the Timicist lives his life, essentially, as an atheist. I don't let the possible existence of a higher being influence my outlook or actions in this world.

If there is a God, this is what it would look like to the Timicist.

The Timicist God is NOT:

• ... anthropomorphic. That is, it does not look or act like humans.
  
• ... a benefactor, protector, or genie who exists to grant us wishes.
  
• ... susceptible to human emotions and motivations.
  
• ... watching over you and interfering in world events.
• ... engaging in a power struggles for human souls.

The Timicist God is is a force, an atmosphere, an energy and links all living things together. We are all part of it and it is part of all of us. It is something that we can tap into, some more than others, on those occasions when we feel an overwhelming sense of love, joy, or peace.

There are times when I think I am tapping into this energy. When I listen to REM's "Night Swimming" and the hair on the back of my neck stands up, for example. Sometimes my cat will sit on my lap and purr and look at me with such a look of contentment that I'm overwhelmed with a sense of love for this stupid little creature. It is at these times that I think, "If there is a God at all, then it is in my cat right now."

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Death

Timicism has no clear answers to what happens to us after we die. Since no one has ever come back to tell us about it (and proved it), it's impossible to know. It could be that we become a part of this great energy that surrounds us all, a part of God. Or it could be that nothing happens, that we simply cease to feel or think and that's the end of our existence (AKA the Big Dirt Nap.) Maybe what happens to us is such a mystery that we have to invent places like heaven and hell in order to relate to it on human terms.

But the most favored Timicist theory, the idea that would be most appealing to me, is that of reincarnation. I like the idea that I'll get to live again, but in a different body with a different mind and in a different environment. Maybe even on a different planet. My experiences growing up playing all kinds of video and computer games has contributed to this mindset. In all of those games, you can die an unlimited number of times, yet you always get another chance at a new beginning. I like the idea of getting to play the game again.

I don't have any proof that there's reincarnation. And I certainly wouldn't make any life decisions based on it. But I don't have any proof against it, either, which still allows for the possibility that I may get to play another game of life after I die. And even if it's just superstition, it's a harmless and comforting thought.

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Fate & Free Will

The Timicist is a strong believer in luck. Obviously, there are smart decisions you can make to increase your luck and bad decisions that decrease it. But in the end, a whole lot of life is one big crap shoot.
When people pray to God and ask for things like good weather, a healthy baby, or success for their favorite sports team, what they're really doing is asking Fate to favor them. So I often use the word Fate where other people might say "God." Where you say "grace of God," I say "luck of Fate." The difference is that Fate is not sentient. It doesn't think or know what it's doing, and it's not doing you any favors on purpose.

Whenever I look at a situation, I love to play the "What If?" game. We all do. I imagine how things could have turned out differently. "If only I had seen that stick in the road, I could have avoided the accident." But I didn't. And of all the possible ways things could have turned out, there's only one possible way things did turn out. That's Fate. There's no possible way to know if the huge and complex interactions between everything in the universe could have produced a different result, because there's only one result it did produce.

I do entertain the possibility that we have no, or very little, free will. I grew up in a scientific culture that's always looking for explanations. We debate whether nature or nurture, heredity or environment, make us the person we are. And we constantly try to understand where people are coming from, why they behave the way they do. I think these are very valuable things to know about ourselves, but if you take this kind of thinking to its logical extreme, it leads to a lack of free will. If we can explain why people are the way the are, and if we truly knew every minute detail of how a person functioned (we're currently a long way away from this), we should be able to predict how they would behave in a given situation, assuming we could analyze the millions of variables that go into it.

So I don't know if I have free will or not. I certainly do believe that there are forces at work on us that we don't know about or understand, and they have a huge influence on how we behave. And when you mix that up with all the other (random?) events that happen in the universe, this is what the Timicist calls Fate.

This theory of no free will is not a license to act irresponsibly and give up on life. Even if the decisions we make are ultimately driven by other forces, it's important that we have the illusion of free will. Perhaps it's even a necessary component of our incredibly huge brains. (See below.)

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Biology & Science

I used to tell people, before I invented Timicism, that my religion was Science. I believe there is a certain order to the world, that everything in the universe obeys certain laws of behavior, and I call that order Science. Of course, Science doesn't know everything, and sometimes our scientific conclusions turn out to be wrong. Because Science comes from people, and people are fallible, a lot of what we conclude from it could prove to be wrong one day. But that's what I like about it.

More important than the conclusions of Science are its methods. Science insists that we develop, test, modify and prove or disprove hypotheses. Because of this, I put much more "faith" that Science will get at the truth much more reliably than organized religion, which tends to be pretty stubborn about change. This is what I mean when I say that Science is my religion. I choose to put my "faith" in Science, in the laws of the universe, rather than in an unprovable and untestable supreme being.

With my reliance on Science, I believe all human behavior can be reduced to biology. We are just animals with (relatively) huge brains, which makes us infinitely more complex than the other animals we share the planet with. Our huge brains are what separates us from the others: what inspires us to art, religion, laughter, speech, abstract thought. Our brains were originally an evolutionary survival tool, but now we are so complex that we often lose sight of the biological forces that act upon us.

As far as how Science & biology interact with God, death and fate, I don't think they are mutually exclusive. There's enough wiggle room in Timicist theology for them all to work together. I just haven't decided yet if God is a part of Science or if Science is a part of God, or if it even matters.


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Superstition

The Timicist has a few superstitions that he recognizes as (mostly) harmless. One of them is reincarnation (see above.) Here are some others.

Signs: Timicism, as you may have gathered by now, is a religion for indecisives. I don't like to jump to conclusions and like to take my time in making decisions. Often I don't like to make decisions at all. That's why I am eager to let anything I perceive as a sign decide things for me. I will often let random events decide things for me. For example, I once let the outcome of a basketball game decide for me if I was going to ask a girl out. (My team won, so I asked her out-- we ended up dating for two years.) Of course, you could argue that I probably wait until I receive a sign that favors the decision I would have made anyway, and you probably would be right. But it's more fun to call it a sign than to say all that other stuff.

Karma: Another Timicist superstition is that of karma. While the idea of a cosmic moral bank account is important to the Timicist, the part where we are rewarded or punished based on our balance is just a superstition. It's fun to believe that maybe, when good things happen, I'm being rewarded for something positive that I've done. But this can be a dangerous superstition if it leads to the mindset that people always get what they deserve.

The Universe is Screwing With Me: Another Timicist superstition is the view that there is some grand plan, that God or the Universe or Fate has a plan for me and events often conspire to teach me a lesson or throw me a rope. I don't really believe these things are true, but sometimes it's fun to think them.

Jinxes: If you want to insure that something will never happen, think and talk about it a lot. If there's something you really want, just spend all your time obsessing about it; it will surely never come true. Whatever scenario you act out in your head for any given situation, the reality will always be different. If you plan for something, it won't happen, or not like you planned it. This goes for positive and negative scenarios. If your overactive imagination plans for the worst-case scenario, it won't happen, either. Misfortune, just like fortune, sneaks up on you. [Update: I have revised my position on this. Read about it here.]

A corollary to this superstition is the key to Timicist Happiness: Always to keep your expectations low. Don't go into new situations with preconceived notions of how it will be, because if it doesn't live up to your expectations, you will be disappointed. As one wise person once pointed out to me, "Expectations are the devil's highway." I firmly believe that the best times are never planned. They happen spontaneously when you least expect them. The secret to happiness is to be in the right place at the right time, and to recognize it as such. Actually, this isn't a superstition, but something I really believe.

Borrowings

Timicism is not above borrowing words and concepts from other religions when it finds something that it likes. There's tons of great theological stuff out there-- why recreate the wheel?

Think of Timicism as a religion potluck. The following religions have brought their own covered dish:

• Christianity
• Judaism
• Buddhism
• Islam
• Hinduism
• Deism
• Scientology
• Taoism
• Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster
  

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from Christianity

Timicism adopts the Christian ideals of equality and forgiveness. In theory, Christianity accepts all people regardless of who they are or what they've done. And the Golden Rule ("Treat people how you want to be treated") is a great way to live your life according to the Timicist tenet of Harmlessness. Jesus' basic message of peace and love and goodwill towards all people, no matter their station, is something the Timicist can get behind.

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from Judaism

Jews have something called a mitzvah, which is a good deed that brings you closer to God, like the opposite of a sin. Timicism incorporates mitzvahs, too. In Judaism, for example, it's a mitzvah for a man to sexually pleasure his wife. This is definitely something we want to adopt. Timicism takes it a step further, so that it is a mitzvah to give anyone an orgasm. Other Timicist mitzvahs include making someone laugh, admitting you're wrong, and giving back rubs.

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from Buddhism

Timicism and Buddhism share a lot of the same core values (tolerance, compassion, finding the path to enlightenment yourself), but one specific idea that Timicism takes from Buddhism is that the root of all human suffering is desire. When we get too wrapped up in our own personal wishes and desires, too attached to the "self", we set ourselves up to be unhappy. I agree with that. Timicism also recognizes and respects the Buddhist interconnectedness of all living things.

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from Islam

There are two things that Timicism takes from Islam. The first is the word "jihad," a term often used to denote a holy war that we tend to associate with terrorists. The word actually refers to a sort of inner struggle. In order to take this word away from the terrorists, I propose that we all start using it all the time in our everyday lives. Examples:

"Let's declare a jihad on illiteracy."
"I'm so hungry, I'm going to seriously jihad on that pizza."
"It's been a real jihad getting that sweater vest on my cat."

Using this word in this way will also be a good exercise in practicing the third principle of Timicism, Humor and not taking yourself too seriously.

The other thing that Timicism takes from Islam is the idea of fasting. I think fasting is a good way for people to cleanse themselves and to learn to appreciate nourishment all the more, especially for people who have never known true hunger in their lives. Although there are no official Timicist holidays that include fasting, it is encouraged whenever the spirit strikes you. Try to go a whole day without eating just to see what it's like.

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from Hinduism

There are two things that Timicism takes from Hinduism: karma and reincarnation.

Timicism uses a modified form of karma that keeps track of all your good and bad actions, like some kind of cosmic bank account. In order to lead a Harmless life, it's important to keep your moral bank account in the black. But it's not a Timicist belief that this bank account necessarily has any bearing on what happens to you. Because if you expect that people always get what they deserve, you're in for some major disappointment in this life.

So maybe it's better to refer to karma as a Timicist superstition: something that's fun to believe in. And good karma (keeping a positive balance on your cosmic bank account) is something that every Timicist should strive for, regardless of the consequences.

Another Timicist superstition is reincarnation. As a Timicist, I don't profess to know what happens after we die. But what I'd like to believe, what's most fun to believe, is that we get to live all over again. You can read more about this on the Timicist Metaphysics page.

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from Deism

Timicism is very much in line with Deism. Specifically, the view that God does not actively interfere in human events. God is nature and reason.

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from Scientology

Timicism would very much like to adopt Scientology's income stream. But I can't support the methods they use to generate it. Keeping parts of your theology a secret so you can extort money from people as they get more and more into it would definitely violate the Timicist principle of Harmlessness. Not to mention the Truth Tenets: Self and Fairness.

One encouraging thing about Scientology, though, is that it's an example of how you can create a religion-- even a complicated theology-- from whole cloth, and get people to buy into it. In this way it serves as an inspiration to Timicism.

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from Taoism

Taoism gives Timicism the idea of yin and yang. I've always loved this concept, and throughout my life when I've seen the symbol I've intuitively understood it to represent opposing forces working together to bring about balance. But until I sat down to write this, I never thought about how to put that into words. There's no quick and simplistic way to write about it.

So I will just leave the picture here and let it speak about balance.

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from the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, also known as the pastafarians, obviously brings spaghetti to the Timicism potluck. This theology also reminds us to be fair when considering different creation myths. When you get too deep into specifics, no religion has a monopoly on the Truth. If you accept one ridiculous story with no evidence as real, you have to consider others that are equally ridiculous.

Also the phrase "His Noodly Appendage" is a great practice of Timicist Humor.

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If you have any other suggestions of religions and/or religious concepts that you feel reflect the values of Timicism, please let me know. I'm always open to suggestions.

Timicism Vs. Christianity

Or: Why I Am Not a Christian

Dislcaimer #1: This page refers to a certain, some may say extreme, understanding of Christianity. I acknowledge that not all Christians are the same, that there is a huge variety of beliefs and practices among them, and that no one brand should be used to represent all of them. This page explains why I, personally, am not a Christian. I have nothing against people who find spirituality and fulfillment from the teachings of Jesus, per se. Really, some of my best friends are Christian.

Disclaimer #2:The following objections are not necessarily specific to Christianity, but apply to organized and dogmatic religion in general. I use Christianity as the sample because it's the one I know best. I was raised Christian, I live in a predominantly Christian country, and I am surrounded by Christians. But it is not my point to say that Christianity is any more, or less, deserving of criticism than any other organized religion.

I grew up in steeped in a major devout religious tradition. As a boy I went to mass every Sunday and attended Catholic school for six years. I've read the Bible and feared Satan. I used to wonder how anyone could possibly not believe in God. Then I grew up.

So why did I feel the need to create Timicism? Why didn't I stick with the religion I was given?

Here's why.

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There are some really great things about Christianity. In theory, one would have to wonder how anyone could not choose to be part of a philosophy of love, forgiveness, humility and equality. But theory and practice often don't work well together, and I see Christianity, as it is frequently practiced, as an excellent example of this.

The short answer to why I'm not a Christian is Christians themselves. When I look at what's being done and said in the name of "The Lord" I see Christianity as a club I don't want to join. I've spent my life battling the hypocrisy, arrogance, hate, oppression, and materialistic self-interest from people who claim to follow Jesus. People who violate all the tenets of Timicism: accept doctrine without question, are not fair or consistent in their thinking, take themselves too seriously, do much harm, and choose violence over love. If these are the people who Jesus chooses to represent him, then he's not the God for me.

My theological objections to Christianity fall into four categories: God, Jesus, The Bible, and Prayer. The following is just the barest outlines of my complaints.

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God

As I stated in the Metaphysics chapter, I don't believe in an anthropomorphic God-- one who has human characteristics. It doesn't make sense to me that a "perfect" creator of the entire universe would be made in our image. The Bible is full of God's love, wrath, sacrifice, grace, vengeance, forgiveness, etc. These are all human qualities and experiences, which make him out to be a character in a human drama. A perfect God would not have human conflicts and motivations. Christians scorn the old Roman and Greek myths with their multiple gods who quibble and jockey for power. But really, how is the God of the old testament any different, aside from the fact that he lives alone with his son and a wisp of smoke?

They say that God created humans in his own image. Considering all the possibilities of the universe, that seems pretty arrogant and unimaginative. As Carl Sagan pointed out in Cosmos, if we're the only intelligent life in the universe, what an incredible waste of space. What makes us think that we're so special as to be God's favorite? That he created everything just for our benefit?

This view made sense when you consider where it came from. Thousands of years ago, people couldn't really conceive of a world much beyond their own region, not to mention the entire planet. For them, it made sense that they would be the center of the universe, because their "universe" was so small. Today, we know better. The notion of God being a kind of super human is outdated.

And when you evaluate the God of the Bible as a human, he's not even a very decent one. He's a bully with a lot of issues of control, revenge, anger, and a sick sense of loyalty. If a human king were to act that way, he'd be a tyrant. Demanding that a subject kill his son in order to test his loyalty? That's no king I would vote for, as Michael Palin would say.

Intellectual Christians will often say that God wants us to use our brains (the brains that God supposedly gave us) to think logically about the viability of Christian theology, and not to just accept it without evidence. Aside from the fact that that totally contradicts the whole idea of faith, this makes God like some professor who claims to want honest dialogue, but in the end, if you don't agree with him, if you don't reach the "right" conclusion, you'll get a bad grade. People don't learn under threat of coercion like that.

For a humorous spin on this, see God Diagnosed With Bipolar Disorder.

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Jesus

I believe in Jesus. I believe in him the same way I believe in the Buddha, Charles Darwin, Susan B. Anthony, Gandhi, Martin Luther King, and Albus Dumbledore. All revolutionaries who had new and profound ideas and/or challenged the unjust system of their day. I appreciate Jesus' message and think the world would be a lot better off if more people followed his example. But I don't believe that he was the literal Son of God, and I don't believe he had a monopoly on righteousness.

Christians will tell you the only thing you need in order to be "saved" is to believe that Jesus was literally the Son of God; that he is the only path to God. My response to that is: Why? Why does it matter whether or not I accept Jesus' divinity? Let's assume that I agree with Jesus' basic message and try to be more like him. Why does it matter if I buy the theology or not? What does God, or Jesus, or the world for that matter, gain by my believing this one point?

Many conservative Christians I know would have nothing to do with Jesus, a brown Jew from North Africa, if they met him in person. He challenged authority. He stood up for the little guy. He preached love and forgiveness. He fought against The Man. Let's face it: he was a hippie. A foreigner. A socialist. He was an egalitarian in a strictly hierarchical society. He dared to treat beggars, sinners, and women as human beings.

It's so ironic to me that the people who throw Jesus' name around the most tend to be the same people who don't get what he was about. Within a highly rigid, authoritarian society, he preached compassion over rules. He emphasized the spirit of the law over the letter of the law. And now modern Christians have taken his message and done exactly what he preached against: focusing on obsolete rules rather than on compassion. They do everything they can to hold on to their power and protect their own interests. Oppress minorities. Persecute the weak. Wage war. They have become the very hypocrites that Jesus was trying to reform.
From The Onion: Christ Kills Two, Injures Seven In Abortion Clinic Attack.

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The Bible

Too many Christians take the Bible way too seriously. It has some good parts, but for every piece of real wisdom in the Bible, there's ten times the amount of stupid, irrelevant, contradictory, outdated, weird bullshit. People who would never think of reading the tax code or an unedited captain's log of a 17th-century Japanese sailor base their entire lives on this equally byzantine, tedious, and eclectic collection of writings. But Christians assert that the Bible is the infallible and eternal Word of God, so let's examine that premise.

If the Word of God is infallible and eternal, then what's the deal with all those Old Testament rules? The ones about not eating pork and stoning your neighbors and not wearing clothing with two kinds of fibers? Why do Christians (the ones I know, at least) eat pork? The answer, of course, is that Jesus came along and wiped the slate clean. He said all those rules were a lot of hooey.

Okay, fair enough. So then why is it still in the Bible? Why is it still considered the Word of God? Is the Word of God wrong? But that can't be, because the Word of God is eternal and infallible.

The Bible was put together, compiled and edited, around the 4th century, A.D. So where's God been since then? He hasn't had any new Words for us in 16 centuries? Are we to believe that God inspired all those thousands of pages of Words and then hasn't published anything since then? Is he a recluse like J.D. Salinger or what?

If you're familiar at all with urban legends, you will quickly see how many "absolutely true!!!" stories you've heard in your life are complete fabrications. We live in a scientific age where people are generally skeptical of bullshit, and we still get suckered by urban legends. Even I do, and I look out for them. It's human nature to make shit up, and it's human nature to believe it. That's why we need Science-- a systematic way to observe and test the truth that doesn't merely depend on people's faulty memories or perceptions.

The events of the Bible happened 2,000+ years ago, when people didn't have these hangups about scientific accuracy. They aren't even urban legends, they're just legends. And the Jesus stories weren't written down until at least 40 years after his death. Forty years? Seriously? You ever play a game of "telephone?" Imagine forty years of that!

If the Bible really is the eternal and infallible Word of God, then why can't people even agree on its message? Christians argue about the Bible all the time: what certain passages mean, what God is really saying. I would think that if God really wanted you to know something, he'd be clearer. Why would he make his message so inscrutable? You'd think that God, the Omnipotent Creator of All Heaven and Earth, would be a better communicator.

It reminds me of the shows I've seen about ghosts, UFOs, Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster. Ever notice how there's never a clear, unambiguous picture of them? It's always grainy, blurred, or fuzzy. The evidence is always weak and left up to interpretation. I think if the Bible were truly written by God, its meaning wouldn't be so murky and ambiguous. You'd know exactly what God wanted.

Perhaps these sentiments can be best summed up by an article I read in the Onion titled Mistranslated Myths Of Nomadic Desert Shephard Tribe Taken At Face Value.

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Prayer

Prayer as a form of meditation is fine. If you are praying in order to center yourself, get in touch with a higher plane, empty your mind, or feel the presence of God, I'm all for it.

But when people start using prayer to ask God for special favors, I get annoyed. If God really intervenes to help someone's team win a game, find them a mate, or keep all their family and friends healthy and happy, then I'm pissed off. I'm pissed off because God's playing favorites, and random favorites at that, because there are tons of people who pray and their lives are still affected by illness and misfortune.

When I was a kid, we used to say prayers at bedtime, asking God to bless specific people or family members in general. I always had a real hard time drawing the line at who should get included in my prayers. It didn't seem fair that only those people who knew me, and therefore were included in my prayer, should get blessed. My prayers would start off asking God to protect my parents and brothers and sisters, then my grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, then friends and acquaintances, then everyone that I know, and by the time I was finished, I would be asking God to bless everyone in the world. Even then, I sensed that it didn't seem right that I should ask God to favor some people over others.

I understand the psychological appeal of believing that there is a supreme being who's going to protect you and look out for your best interests. The problem is that sometimes your best interests are at the expense of someone or something else. This kind of thinking is fine if you live in a world where other people and groups are outside the scope of your God. But when you believe in one God who created the entire world, you have to acknowledge that he should be there for everyone, not just you. The mindset that God is looking after your best interests at the expense of other people is selfish and immature. God is there for the whole world-- he has no business blessing America.

So in the Timicist framework, prayer as a request for good fortune is considered a superstition. I still do it. Not consciously, but I do often wish for good fortune. I see it as an appeal to Fate, which sometimes blesses me and sometimes doesn't. I try to appreciate the blessings and learn from the misfortunes. But I'm not arrogant enough to think I deserve good fortune just because my imaginary friend is better than yours.

What does the Onion say about prayer? God Answers Prayers Of Paralyzed Little Boy: 'No,' Says God

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